Of rejections

Just posted this on Tumblr. I didn't mean for it to be this long. And I'm not sure where all these words came from. What I do know is that we've all been rejected at some point in our lives. Some are blunt and forceful that we are as if knocked off from our feet by a storm. Some are so vague that we miss it, so we reconsider and insist on offering some more of ourselves only to be dismissed once again. This is a letter I need to read from time to time. I hope you get something out of it too.

Dear Self,

In time you will realize that not everyone will reciprocate the kind of effort you’re willing to exert to make a friendship work, or at least make it look real. Your dearest friends, that person whom you’ve adored for years, even strangers at some point, will open your eyes to this. At times this pain will be given to you by the people whom you’ve loved the most.

In time you will realize that there’s no drama in it, that there’s no reason to bury your head in your pillow at night contemplating whether or not there’s something wrong with you, because it’s a part of living, some people just wouldn’t give you the love (or at the least, appreciation) that you can give them.

In time you will realize that this doesn’t mean you have to go around with an icy cold heart and surround yourself with the thickest walls known to man. Perhaps there will a come a point where being a rock, strong and indifferent, will be the best option. You will choose this option because it’s easy. Not giving a sh*t is easy. But you’re a human being and human beings were made to get hurt. And this is not an embarrassment.

In time you will realize that unless you go through this pain of rejection (and it can happen multiple times, too), you wouldn’t see the overwhelming relief that honest, unconditional, and real friendships can give. Unless you know the pain of loss, it will be hard to appreciate that which is here, now, and what will come.

In time you will realize that there’s a reason why some people are like this. That perhaps they, too, are burying a pain beneath their tough exteriors. That perhaps their reluctance to appreciate you and what you can give stems from their own misery, something they will not let you see.

In time you will realize that all these realizations will not take place in a blink of an eye. That things take time to materialize right before you. That sometimes it will be too late. But the amazing thing about human beings is, and you know this, they learn. This rejection will teach you not to look back with anger, or regret, or misery, or hopelessness. This rejection is a manifestation of your growth and your chance to work on yourself and to pick the pieces up and place them where they should be. This will only give you strength, not indifference, never apathy.