I forget a lot of things

So I completely forgot that my blog, this blog, turned one last March 8! Is that sad? It is, I guess. I don't know why I forgot about it. I have anticipated this day before, planning a special entry. But it slipped my mind when it was already fast approaching. I only remembered it this afternoon while doing the laundry. Household chores are always one of the best ways to contemplate on things. Haha. 

I can't believe this blog is already in existence for a year. My first ever post was this:

Do not allow other people to stifle your drive to dream. Do not ignore them. Do not resort to tolerance and numbness. Do not feed on their accusations and belittling words. Do not shelter their intentions in your heart. Do not let go of your faith-- when it's all that's left of you.

A little too emo, huh? But I guess for the few people who really read this blog, my posts always lean on being emo, even though I don't mean that to happen. Sometimes I wish I had a decent sense of humor so I can crack jokes that will make you pee on your pants (that's a little disgusting, though). Sometimes I wish I had a celebrity-ish kind of life so I can post photos of myself and my friends frolicking around parties and events. Sometimes I wish I had a lot of money for travel so I can give you guys detailed accounts of the places I visit and the wonderful experiences and lessons I get from them. Sometimes I wish I was into fashion so I can posts photos of my latest finds from all these stores.

Oh, but what can I do? At the end of the day, I'm just an ordinary 20-something,  living in a foreign country, working a 9 to 5 job, who just really, really, really wants to write.

There are times when I want to give up on blogging, and writing in general. I look at my posts and I feel as if nothing is actually happening, nothing is changing. I am way too far from achieving even half of what other young adults out there can do and write. So I immediately close the blog from public view. Then maybe after about half an hour, I bring it back again. I can never beat that part of me, I guess. 

Then the weirdest thing happened last week. Omie and I were chatting on Facebook when she suddenly told me she read my post about her and her passion for teaching. She said one of her co-teachers told her about it. So naturally, I freaked out, thinking I'd never hear the end of it. But I was shocked when she said she liked it and that she's proud of me. Now that is the biggest, most incredible compliment I have ever received for this one-year relationship that I have with my blog. My mother telling me she's proud of me because of this. Haaay, the hardship and sleepless nights (well, not really, that's an exaggeration) thinking of the next entry were all paid off. I can only pray I don't disappoint Omie with my entries-- both past and future. Now that's something I have to work on.

Apart from that, reading my first ever post on this blog made me at ease. I knew it all along, right from the first few words that I typed and published. I had a purpose after all. I have that in me. And it doesn't matter how many faux pas I make in this blog, how many grammar errors need checking, or if my flow of ideas are in terrible disarray. None of those matter because I'm working on them and I'm continuously learning.

Being famous, having the best equipment to document what you ate for breakfast, being in that fabulous party they held at wherever, visiting Paris this summer, wearing the latest S/S collection from this expensive brand, all of these would be beyond lovely. But you do have something to say that not just any other person is capable of expressing, because it's yours, you have the best intentions, and it comes from your heart. That's what matters.

So what do you say? Let me repeat that:

Do not allow other people to stifle your drive to dream. Do not ignore them. Do not resort to tolerance and numbness. Do not feed on their accusations and belittling words. Do not shelter their intentions in your heart. Do not let go of your faith-- when it's all that's left of you.

Before I end this entry: As you may have noticed, I made changes with my blog (yet again). Also, I now have a Formspring.me account which you can easily access on the sidebar. Though I'm not sure I'll last because I still think it opens an avenue for unpleasant messages, which I am really scared of. Oh, and I don't know where that account will get me or if anyone will even be interested to ask things but I'm giving it a try. This blog just turned one, it's a healthy change. Hopefully.

Have a wonderful Friday!

Remembering is as good as a strawberry dipped in salt

I remember the first time Omie really allowed us to play under a heavy rain. My youngest brother and I just came home from school and we told Omie we wanted to play outside, and because our uniforms were already a little bit wet, she agreed. We ran around and played like crazy people. Best days of my childhood.

I remember joining this quiz bee when I was 12. It was quite a huge thing that time for me (or for the school?) to be in a different city for a quiz bee. I didn’t win. I got eliminated when I wasn’t able to answer this question of which the word Hajj was the answer. I was the only one who didn’t get it.  I was also the only Muslim.

I remember being bullied for the first time in my life. I was manning our sari-sari store one afternoon. I hated being alone in the store because I was awful with counting (and numbers in general) and I was scared I’d make a mistake. I don’t remember why I had no choice that time. Anyway, this group of girls who were still in their high school uniform, signifying their IQ levels, came to the store and started picking up pencils and erasers. Then one of them asked me something that I wasn’t able to answer as astutely as I should. The other one mumbled something to herself about my being really stupid. And then the others laughed (or in the words of the great: LOL-ed). I realized then that a) bullying is very, very hurtful, b) I was a coward kid, c) your uniform would not say much about your IQ and more importantly, your EQ, d) being smart is the least of your concerns if your attitude is that of a barbarian (an evil barbarian, at that).

I remember in elementary we were addicted to playing street games. I'd arrive at school at six or so in the morning and I'd immediately go to the field and run around like it's the last game I'd ever play in my life. And then at lunch time. And then before going home. Too bad I never got my energy to last enough to make me a varsity player at school.

I remember the first time I saw a mascot. I was five or four, I think. Does anyone remember Susy and Gino of the chocolate milk ad? Yep, those two. They were creepy. I cried. I felt like being near them was a punishment. Worst day ever. 

I remember this wall that stood at a shoulder length near our house. We'd religiously go there when there's no school, mostly during the aftenoon. There'd be a competition among us on who's the first one to finish tiptoeing on top of the wall right at the end. It was a pretty long wall so it was like a survival course. I learned a lot about determination, speed, focus, and perseverance because of that wall.

I remember how I got a shot for... I don't remember what vaccine that was. But I was a bit big already because I remember until now. The clinic was in the second floor of a building with walls painted with white, the hospital kind of white. Anyway, the pediatrician completely promised to give me an ice cream if only I'd allow her to do it. So I agreed. She didn't give me the ice cream. She must have forgotten about it. Or people just make empty promises like that to kids. I seriously thought that was mean.  There goes my trust issues. 

"…forgetting is the hardest thing in the world — remember that." - Warsan Shire

Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

March 11, 2011, Friday, an earthquake of 8.9 magnitude hit the east coast of Japan triggering a 23-foot tsunami, killing lives, destroying homes and infrastructures, and changing the face of one of the most technologically advanced and beautiful countries in the world.

A massive tsunami sweeps in to engulf a residential area after a powerful earthquake in Natori, Miyagi Prefecture in northeastern Japan. (Reuters)

A vessel sits after it was washed away by tsunami into urban area in Kesennuma, Miyagi, northern Japan March 12. (Kyodo News/Associated Press)

This is another reminder of Allah SWT's Power. This reminds us yet again that despite the fact that we can do almost everything, we are still under the Mercy of the Almighty.

May He continue to protect us, may He heal both the bodies and hearts of the people who were wounded, may He bless the souls of those who passed away, may He help the people of Japan pick up the pieces and rebuild the parts of their beautiful country that were devastated, may He help us keep in mind that we have an obligation to take care of our planet because it is our home, may He bestow in us the Imaan that we badly need both in times of hardship and ease. Ameen.

Photos and its captions are from The Big Picture at boston.com.

Happy Birthday, Innernet Friend!

 

The person who technically owns this photo is celebrating her birthday today (or yesterday if you're in the Philippines). I saved it on my files a long time ago and technically stole this photo (she now has the right to sue me) because it was and still is my favorite photo from all her Multiply albums.

There's just something about this photo that makes it special apart from the fact that it's already beautiful in the first place. It's pretty incredible, actually, because the first time I saw this, I felt as if another human being knows pala (at may 'pala' talaga) how much I'd love to take a photograph of this place and keep it in a memory box. This place (or photo) was the one that inspired me to write this story.

Sometimes I wish my internet friends became my friends in real life instead. I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I guess most people who use the internet a lot (like me) does. Anyway, I just realized that I've been following her from Friendster, to Multiply, to Facebook, to Twitter, and to Tumblr. Oh diba? Sorry nalang at minsan feeling close talaga ako. Haha. Some people I only get to be friends with in one social networking site and some just disappear completely from my contacts after a while.

I think the reason behind my being able to keep in touch with her all these years is that she's such an amazing photographer and I remember how in Multiply, I was always waiting for the next album that she will post. Apart from that, she's an overall interesting person and believe it or not, sometimes I could relate to her more than the people I know in real life. Weird but true.

It will probably be a long time before I get to meet her in person, but for now, I've certainly enjoyed the time being amazed by her photos and her overall interesting internet antics (rhyme?). Anyway, to end this feeling close entry, hahahappy birthday, Nuur! :)

I Love You

Thank you to Tickee for mentioning my blog on her Facebook wall the other day. For that to come from someone like her (oh, everyone knows who she is) was entirely overwhelming. I felt even more blessed when a couple of people also took notice.

My writing means a lot to me. But I never had the guts to mention this blog on Facebook because I'm afraid of being judged. I tend to become too personal with my posts at times and I'm scared of being taken the wrong way. And believe it or not, I have this inexplicable fear of internet bashing and bullying. I see a lot of it nowadays and I'm afraid I'm not cut out for things like that, I get hurt too easily.

But then at the same time, I wasn't able to share any of what I've written so far with other people who, in one way or another, might get something out of this. So, Tickee, if you're reading this, thank you for doing what I was scared to do.

And for all of you who have read this blog since the day it started, for those who read but leave, for those who just checked this once, I owe you guys a lot. It's already a big thing for me to be able to write and then publish (even without any reader), but knowing that I have inspired a couple of people is a dream come true.