Does this make me a stealer of some sort? But I'm fully telling you where I got this, so maybe not. I got it from tweexcore.tumblr.com through maisieessh.tumblr.com. There you go. What is this, "reblogging"?
"I have been restless all day. In bed, with ideas, passing thoughts, some scribbled in lists in a diary, some in repeated motions, sites refreshed, moments spent. I’ve been restless and wanting to write about you (& you & you, but maybe not you, maybe I shouldn’t) and there are moments and scenes I want to remember, times I want to bring back, touches and the way eyes say so much.
Everything has been done, everything has been felt, everything has already been written about and besides, even if it happens like that it won’t happen like that. I’ve hardly eaten and I’ve nearly memorized the take out menu but I won’t order anything, I won’t. Instead I’ll check my email again and check the words on the screen to make sure I am not missing anything. Jens Lekman playing and I feel better, at least, no longer burning skin and a body that lacks the strength to move. Homesick and nostalgic and you know what I really want right now?
Nothing complicated. I’d like a coffee or a tea and a table and stars in the sky outside (but it’s New York, we have no stars, not now, not ever), and someone, anyone, a stranger, a past lover, a sought after friend, across the table and I want a conversation, just two human beings with our silly thoughts and fears and dreams and I will probably sip from your drink and laugh about it and I can’t can’t wait for so many things, but I have to wait, and I want to care about one thing then the other and not again, not like this. But then it is always like this (am I making sense? Does it matter?) and I just want to feel something, I want you to feel something and tell me when you do until it is unmistakable.
Do you know what I mean? Is it ever possible to know what someone else means?
And if you wanted to know—I am sick of hearing about your cliched love affairs, your sentimental and structured relationships, and if you wanted to know I am sick of it all and I don’t know if I believe that there is anything better. If you must know I have no idea what I believe except that maybe this is better. Maybe.
Make me stop waiting and wanting and feel. Heart on fire, shut up thoughts in my head. Or rather, don’t stop, time travel, let’s skip these days and dance to the future and redecorate the past. Who cares? Let’s live."
